I didn't realise how much I'll miss 31st until the Appreciation Dinner tonight. It made me look back on what we've been through as a Committee and how much fun we had. I'll miss them!

Ord lo!! Mid-Sem Break lo!! =)

Weird dreams again last night. It was as if something triggered this subconscious well of emotions, which just decide to erupt again!

I felt so overwhelmed when I woke up. Before sleeping, I was feeling actually kinda down, for no particular reason. So I decided to do something about it. I tried calling Jospeh, but I guess he was asleep. And I called Lance. He asked about how many mid-terms we're going to have, and I found out that we're going to have 3. Somehow, I felt better after that. Weird.

Going for my tuition now =)

It has been a month since I've blogged, and a month since school started. So much has happened in this 32 days that it seemed much longer than that. I was suppose to be at the internal elections today, but decided to pass, yes, my studies are lagging way behind the NUS Express.

Anw, woke up to a weird dream. A dream of army times. It was raining, and cold and I was with the logistics people from SOL n ALTI. When I said that I was a LogO, there were whispers beside me saying, why didn't they know me when I was there. I woke up, breaking out into cold sweat. "Less time to study now" I thought!

It's plain gibberish. But thinking about it, I was disturbed when people said that they don't know me, yet equally if not more disturbed when people commented that I am effeminate when they know me. I'm always stuck somewhere in the middle, and that is not a good place to be. The fear of being left out is often followed by a fear of being too close to someone.

This has been so, for all my relationships since secondary school. Being in this limbo state with almost everyone. Not good yet not that bad either. I was ranked the average in my OCS platoon appraisal, I am a B student in NUS, I am a level below IVP for tennis, I am average in whatever I do nowadays. But I know there's more in me than that. I remember Vincent's comment that "you are ZiCheng lei!". Sometimes, friends believe in me more than I do myself.

Probably I have taken myself too lightly in most cases and too stubborn in others. I know that I can't make it for IVP tennis. Even if i do, it means nothing to me. I know that studies are important to me, yet i waste my chance to shine by wasting time. It seems that I am channeling my energy the wrong way! I seriously need to think about it.

One month on, I am ready to step down from Engin Club and ready to do an OCIP at Laos. My studies are very bad, and I busted a chance to hook up a Korean girl cause I was too scared. I had a hell week the last week only to realise that my efforts have gone to waste. Cheveron Case Challenge, Kent, Ho Zong and I din get through.

Now the positives.

I feel that I have made good friends in both Ho Zong and Joseph. I feel that I have been a good senior and have been friendly to people to the best of my abilities. I have been religiously doing 100 pushups 80 situps and 20 squats everyday without fail and I have played tennis at least once a week for the past month.

What a Month!

Tml school is going to start. I feel good. Just still unmotivated n not hungry. Im worried.

Today i learnt what is disappointment.

Today i learnt the meaning of a good friend.

Today i learnt how to search my soul.

Today i learnt how to move on.

Today i learnt to focus on the positive.

Today i learnt that it is ok to be imperfect.

Today i learnt that me being perfectionist stresses me n people around me.

Today i learnt about life.

Yesterday managed to spend some time with Paris. It became very apparent to me how different the engine people are n the sports camp people are. Engine people are more meek n not as street-smart. However, I did enjoy spending time with them nevertheless.

Anw, Today is D-day!! Finally the trials is here. Lol. I've been thinking a lot on how my year 2 will unfold. It was quite mind boggling when i tried to balance the commitments of training for Triathalon (2010), making IVP team in Tennis, OCIP, skating, 7 modules and a possible, albeit having a chance of 0.1%, re-run in engine club.

In the end, all i could tell myself was to remind me of what I have now. Which is OCIP n the publication post. Also, triathalon clashes with Tennis n with skating too. So, out of these 3, only one is possible.

What i foresee is that it will be the OCIP, 7 mods n the triathalon.

5 hours to warmup
6 hours to trials =S

Today was rather crazy. Woke up at 7 and started working on the poster all the way till 1. Lol. The good news is I manage to finish it!! The bad news is that it took more than twice the time i initially planned for. So...i missed FLAG Day. I have mixed feelings about FLAG. I abhore it, yet thinks that it is a necessary evil. So I was actualli kind of disappointed that i din go.



The colour is kind of screwed up. The main colour was suppose to be yellow but blogger decided that my first poster should be in blue. Let this be version 1.1 of it den.

Subsequently, I did some basic workout and got over that minor disapointment.

After some thought, I realise that today is probably the best day to get the textbooks n since han sheng n nat both agree that the textbooks are useful, my dad picked me up at 5, rushed me down to Clementi bookstore, got the books in 15min, and rushed back to reach home at 645.

I was shagged. Lol. I did some snooping around to find out who this Teik Kheng is, who happens to be the captain of Engin faculty's tennis captain for 09's IFG. Here's what I got:

1.) He's Malaysian
2.) He used to be fat (a similarity there)
3.) He dances
4.) He's in Mechanical Engineering too (2 similarities)
5.) He was from TJC

Okok. I admit that it was unnecessary to find out info of your potential captain, but being so facebooked trained in the hols, I can't help but realise that his name is unique, aka, easy to find online.

2 days to the trials!!

Yesterday was the first day of Oweek. It wasn't as bad as I thought it will be, and with that I'm refering to my OG. They're actualli quite good in a way. But with the trials coming up for tennis, IFG, which i really really want to get in, I wouldn't do anything that will spoil my chances, (aka insufficient sleep) before thursday.

It's kind of selfish for me, but the memory of how i screwed up my USP interview by going engin camp is still fresh in my mind, despite it being one year ago. Yeah. It still hurts.

Today is Flag day. I'll be joining them later in the afternoon. Lol. But before that, I need to complete a poster.